Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives Blog 8: Introducing new hens into the hen house

Of course, we hear about the trillion connections being formed, and we welcome a new word into the mix, "growing", and we're not talking about crops.

The camping trip proved fruitful for a few, but mostly it descended into a car crash for most of them.

This is exactly how most of my caravaning trips end also.

You usually spend the first 15 hours getting the spirit level out trying to get the van even; everyone is tired and/or hungover, nobody sleeps with the sound of the rain beating down on the roof of the van, and the annexe flaps wildly in the wind all night, everything is soaked. Then when you attempt to leave, the van has sunk so much you can't get the stupid thing on the tow ball.

Anyway, in the last episode, we were introduced to the newbies (intruders) by way of Sam's Choice, which proves not to be a popular choice among the original contestants.

This comes as a surprise to no one.

The farmers head off on dates with the intruders.

Paige takes her two fellas, underground driller Cody and builder Ayden, abseiling.

If you've ever tackled it, you would understand the situation with the harness and its ability to hug your down-below region.

As Ayden descends the cliff face, he yells out, "jeez, she's tight the old crutch". We get it.

Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis gets Madelene to pick out and name a new Kelpie pup for the farm.

He also offers her naming rights.

She names him Skagg (sounds like "wh-egg"), which means "beard" in Swedish. I don't need to explain why.

Farmer Ben takes a beach walk complete with hand holding with his new shiny thing, beauty therapist Kiani.

We hear again how much she loves to touch.

They sit on the rocks, and Ben stuffs his face with fish and chips. Kiani asks Ben how he's feeling. "Content," he replies.

"That's a good word," she tells him in her very best teacher voice.

She obviously hasn't been introduced to Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis and his boundless vocabulary.

"I have made connections," he continues.

"And I wasn't sure whether I would be able to form new connections."

He likens his feelings for Kiani to those he had for Leish, which was just yesterday.

"I'm in another pickle," he says.

"I seem to be living on a pickle farm."

Over at Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis' place, he's left his ladies in his dad's company to collect ovine faecal samples.

What a vibe.

The girls at Farmer Harry's dairy farm are also dealing with poo and cleaning out the feed pad while he takes the new girl, Bronte, to visit a sunflower crop.

They stroll around before happening upon a picnic set up for two. They talk about the importance of family before naming a scarecrow family, and then they snog.

Farmer Will heads to the pub with Holly, with whom he has a "strong connection".

They meet the locals, grab a beer and play some pool, where Holly absolutely annihilates Will.

"It's nice to have alone time with Will. That's when I can get a feel for if there's a connection there," Holly says.

Sigh.

In the words of Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis, "whoo, okey dokey".

He and Mads are drinking beer by a campfire and cuddling the new "fur baby" Skagg.

Mads sees this cute pup as the ultimate trump card against her competitors.

"I've got to be honest. I've got connections," Benjamin tells Mads.

Sometimes I wish he would be a little less honest. The last time he opened up, it ended poorly.

Skagg does a big poo, and that's that.

Back at Farmer Paige's, she introduces the boys to her horses.

Cody attempts to pat the horse on the flank in his thongs. Perfect.

"Back in Orange, no animals are running around trying to bite me," he says.

If he approached me that way, I would pin my ears back too.

Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis and Mads arrive back at the farm to the waiting, and very tormented, originals.

He tells them he has a surprise, but in fact, the biggest surprise is that Lindsay has straightened those tightest of steel wool curls on her head. All hail the GHD.

It's a frosty reception as Benjamin fumbles his way through the introductions.

Flower farmer Erin is ropable.

He takes them outside to meet Skagg.

"I think the dog's name is Queef or Greg. I don't know," Erin scoffs.

"If I don't know, then how's the dog meant to know."

She bitterly declines his invitation back inside, telling Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis Skagg is better company.

She looks like she wants to "skagg" him over the head.

Farmer Will takes Holly back to the farm. There are more awkward introductions and nervous laughter.

There are similar scenes at Farmer Harry's place when he brings a beaming Bronte into the fold.

He asks what they've been up to, and Isabella replies bitterly, "shovelling shit", which is accurate. They were.

"But yeah," one original says.

"Cool," another tries to fill the deafening silence.

Will wants to tell the originals he has already kissed the new bird.

Perhaps, he should run that by Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis first.

At Farmer Ben's, it is Leish's birthday. And she is in for a birthday surprise like no other.

Enter Kiani.

"Hi," she says enthusiastically as she bounces out of the Toyota.

Leish waves while mumbling something under her breath.

"You're so pretty," one original splutters.

After the cringeworthy introduction, Ben takes Kiani for a farm tour in her white sneakers and plunging floral playsuit.

Leish is in tears over the whole situation and turns her back on the camera to reveal yet another severe case of sunburn.

How this girl copes with the Queensland sun back home remains the biggest mystery.

Back at Farmer Harry's, Bronte says the farm is "breathtaking" as she walks into the dairy.

This is true. It certainly has the ability to take your breath away.

He has to go back to basics and give her the cups on, cups off training while the other girls expertly go about their business.

Surely, another benefit of this program is that it has helped alleviate some of the labour shortages on many of these farms for a short while.

"I'm hoping to impress Harry today with a bit of farm work," Bronte says.

Then, when describing the kicking cow, "HE looks a little bit sensitive."

"She," Harry corrects her.

Meanwhile, Farmer Ben got the newbie into her bikini for some pool action in record time.

No wonder Leish is sunburnt all the time.

She watches sadly as Ben and Kiani share laughs "like they used to", "build a connection", as they had, and do handstands in the pool..... as Leish had also done.

Back to Farmer Will's, and he gets Holly pushing ewes up the race for preg testing.

She expertly confirms they are all female before asking if they get cravings for cheese like humans do when they're pregnant. Obviously, she's joking. I think.

Jess drafts off the lambs by chucking them over the fence, which impresses Will.

Holly needs to start hurling those woolly, cheese-eating buggers.

Madi is struggling and starts crying because she is beginning to doubt herself.

Pick up those lambs girl, and start chucking. You show him what you're made of.

Farmer Paige decides to test her boys' social conscience by asking/telling them to run a fundraising event for the Drought Angels.

Ayden comes up with cow pat lotto while, ironically, Cody designs a prize-based game of darts......oh Paige, we have been here before.

Back over at Harry's place, Bronte wastes no time getting to the nitty-gritty of it all over breakfast.

"Have there been any kisses so far?" she asks the originals.

Harry looks like he's about to dive under the table.

Everyone says they have and ask Bronte the same.

"I may have gone in for a kiss with Bronte," Harry fesses up.

Bronte giggles. Isabel and Tess squirm. Things get hostile.

"Now everybody in the house, including the new person, has had a kiss with Harry," Isabel spits.

"I've been sittin' around waiting for a romantic side from him that I haven't seen.

"What's going on, mate???????"

Harry admits he felt a bit guilty about what's now been dubbed "the flower field kiss".

But Bronte fires back.

"You mustn't have felt too guilty because you kissed me again the next day," she says confidently.

The originals' faces contort into unrecognisable versions of themselves as they nod and mutter, "hmm".

Next thing, Farmer Paige and Ayden head off for a one-on-one date.

However, it sounds more like an appointment with a psychologist as Paige prompts Ayden to delve into his past relationships.

There's talk of letting walls down. The background music builds, they smile, and Paige clearly says, "go for it," and nods at him while smiling and staring into his eyes.

Ayden misses the cue to dive in for a smooch.

"Should we have a little kiss?" he asks.

The moment has evaporated. And Paige tells him so.

Finally, we get to the farewell dinners.

At Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis' farm, the now straight haired Lindsay is not coping with Mads arrival.

"The fact there is a new person in the house and Hannah and Erin have had recent connections (kisses) with Benjamin, I feel like I'm the bottom end of the pecking order," she says.

But Lindsay has nothing to worry about.

"I feel absolutely crook in the guts," Benjamin says before announcing he will keep them all.

Lindsay and Mads are delighted. Erin is cranky. She thinks he should be culling rather than buying.

Over at Farmer Ben's, he suddenly doubts Leish's commitment to farm life after she already told him she would be willing to move away from her family and friends in Brisbane.

There is a definite shift in his body language towards her, and in all seriousness, I feel like he's deliberately raised this, never before mentioned issue, to undermine her confidence.

I don't rate it at all. I would be calling him out on that one.

He sits them all down at the dinner table and starts his very official opening speech.

I feel like we're at a sod-turning ceremony.

"We have another farewell dinner," he keenly observes.

"Welcome, Kiani, to the household.

"These are never easy nights. Thank you so much for being here and making this journey possible for me."

However, before he can show one of them the door, vet nurse Lauren, who has been a great sport throughout this whole ordeal, pulls him aside.

"I do like to have deep conversations, and I think we need different things from a partner," she says.

I mean, she didn't straight up call him stupid, but.......

He nods as if he understands.

Farmer Ben, who had very recently admitted that laughing and having fun with a partner were the most important things to him, still doesn't seem to get it.

Lauren decides to leave.

Farmer Harry finally decides to send the now fuming Isabella home.

She's both sad and cranky.

Farmer Will does a Farmer Benjamin and keeps them all.

The wine flows.

"I hope everyone enjoys the exciting times ahead," Will says ominously.

Paige doesn't have to farewell anyone just yet. She's already done plenty of that so far.

Before the night is over, though, we arrive back at Farmer Ben's place where the originals have gone to bed, leaving him and Kiani up to laugh and have fun, I can only assume.

"Have you got any regrets from the last day?" he asks Kiani.

"Maybe one......can you read my mind?" she answers suggestively.

PEOPLE IN SPACE CAN READ YOUR MIND.

She grabs his face and smooches Farmer Ben as Miley Cyrus sings, "I came in like a wrecking ball".

"Not now," she declares smugly after they come up for air.

Poor Leish and poor us for having to endure that thankfully short, but unfortunately very cringeworthy footage.

If none of the participants end up with anyone here, there's always hope they'll find a partner at their respective Alcoholics Anonymous meetings they'll all have to attend by the end of the series. Every event seems to incorporate grog which is not a good look. Safe money is on the next date/dance/excursion includes an esky.

4:1 Alcohol used as social lubricant