Mental Health Month: Tracey Hicks tells her story

The 52-year-old was at the Chisholm Ross Centre in Goulburn, a mental-health inpatient clinic, when she realised she had a choice: find out why she'd battled mental-health issues for almost 30 years, or continue her self-described "roller-coaster" life.

She chose the former, and now Tracey, who works at Wellways in Batemans Bay, says she's never been happier.

Ms Hicks spoke to the Bay Post about her journey with mental health to encourage more people to talk about their own experiences for Mental Health Month throughout October.

Tracey originally moved to Batemans Bay with her family in 1973. She said she'd moved away a few times, but this was "home".

Her mental-health story started when she was in her mid-20s when her doctor diagnosed her with anxiety and depression.

"I was put in medication, but that was as far as it went at the time," she said.

"I found I was just on a roller coaster all the time; my life would be really good and then it would be bad, and it was just like that every day."

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Tracey said her early mental health battles affected her children's lives, and said she lost friends who didn't understand what she was going through.

"I was always quick to make big decisions," she said. "I found I'd get really upset about something, so I'd make a big decision like moving to Ballina.

"It was all new and exciting for a while, but live got back to normal and I decided to move again to Victoria.

"There were a lot of quick and impulsive decisions, even small things like getting my haircut or selling my car."

Tracey continued to battle with her mental health, and was diagnosed with bipolar at one stage, a diagnosis she disagreed with.

"I knew I didn't have bipolar," she said. "I'd have those big drops and lows, but I wouldn't have the highs to go with them.

"I just knew there was something else going on."

Her life changed two-and-a-half years ago when a suicide in the family caused her to have a breakdown. She was admitted to the Chisholm Ross Centre where she initially stayed for 10 days before coming home.

Tracey said about four weeks after returning home, another "small event" triggered her again and prompted her to reach out to community health.

"I didn't want to live, but I also didn't want to die," she said. "I wouldn't say I was suicidal because I didn't have a plan, but a bus could have hit me and I wouldn't have cared.

"I suffered social anxiety and didn't want to leave the house without my partner. I couldn't even pick up the phone.

"My weight increased which got me down, and I had a lot of back pain which wasn't good for my mental health.

"I knew I needed help, so I presented myself to community health, because I knew something bad might happen if I didn't."

Tracey went back to the Chisholm Ross Centre where she stayed for five weeks.

"I didn't care at first, but after about a week I realised I had two choices: I either find out what the hell is going on with me and work on it, or I continue this cycle," she said.

"You talk to a psychiatrist almost every day up there, and through that he came to the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

"I started researching, and honestly, it was like a light went of in my head - all of a sudden the last 20-odd years of my life made sense. Everything I was reading matched me."

With that diagnosis, Tracey returned to Batemans Bay and took part in the Wellways program for 18 months.

She said she was educated about her illness and taught the right tools and coping mechanisms to manage it.

"I've really worked hard in applying all of that," she said.

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"I would say the past two-and-a-half years have been the happiest I've been since I was about 24. I practice a lot of gratitude and mindfulness, I've gone back to the gym, I eat well, and the phone doesn't bother me anymore.

"The first time I went grocery shopping on my own, I took a selfie and sent it to my case worker. You feel a bit stupid, but I make sure I always celebrate my wins.

"People who know me and know about my journey tell me I'm like chalk and cheese compared to the old times.

"I'm not ashamed to talk about my story, and I always allow myself to have a bad day, because I know it'll just be that day."

Tracey now works with other people suffering mental health problems through the Wellways program, something she describes as "rewarding".

"It's nice that I can use my lived experience to help other people as a peer worker," she said.

"It makes all the crap I've been through worth it - the people I've helped and seen do the same thing I did is so rewarding."