This senior cop wants to hold abusive men to account - there's just one problem

Another man, decades older at 71, accused of stabbing his partner to death.

A serial perpetrator torturing and raping woman after woman.

Domestic violence incidents are bread and butter for ACT police.

A quarter of charges police laid in 2023 - nearly 3000 - related to family violence.

ACT police respond to 11 such incidents each day on average, and nearly half of assaults reported to police are family violence related.

But while police see so much family and domestic violence - there is a lot they don't, according to ACT Policing family violence unit team leader Detective Sergeant Sam Norman.

"It's everywhere in our community at all levels and in all places. And there's a lot that we need to do to reach into those dark spaces and see it," he said.

That is partly because family violence is so underreported.

Family violence is committed by a family member, while domestic violence is perpetrated by an intimate partner.

"A lot of the time when someone is before the court, it's the incident we know about," Detective Sergeant Norman said.

"What police respond to is incidents, but what the victim experiences is chronic."

But it is also because a lot of abuse is not even against the law.

Coercive control refers to a range of behaviours, including physical and sexual violence, which a perpetrator uses to control their victim.

It can include emotional abuse, isolation, restricting finances or demanding sexual acts.

Many abusive men do not ever need to use their firsts, Detective Sergeant Norman said.

"The experience of family violence can be an ongoing and continuous and chronic experience of fear and coercive control," he said.

"If she's compliant with his control, and she submits to his control, he never needs to use violence.

"In many of these cases, the decision to resist the control is the trigger for the violence commencing for the first time and often very seriously."

A recent review into 12 Canberra domestic violence deaths found the perpetrator exercised coercive control over victims in nearly every case.

Significant physical violence was only present in nine cases before the death.

The ACT government has considered criminalising coercive control, but Domestic Violence Crisis Service ACT wants the public to be educated first.

Queensland and New South Wales have laws against coercive control. In Victoria, coercive control is included in the official definition of family violence.

Coercive control behaviours include severe criticism and emotional abuse, isolating a victim by moving house, controlling finances or threatening to harm children or pets.

"The problem is that [many coercive control behaviours are] not criminal offences currently, unless there's a family violence order in place," Detective Sergeant Norman said.

"We're often aware of these things, and we're often aware of them parallel to the physical violence."

Detective Sergeant Norman said police will refer a victim experiencing coercive control to support agencies if they cannot intervene.

While police are often unaware when family violence is happening, someone else usually does, the detective sergeant said.

"Research shows that even when police don't know about the coercive control behaviour, people know about it. Family and friends have been told, support services like psychologists and doctors have been told," he said.

Many of the 12 victims killed by a family member did not speak English, and sought help from community and faith leaders.

Detective Sergeant Norman said police aren't always given information which would help them properly assess the risk a victim faces.

The homicide review found many perpetrators had mental health or substance abuse issues.

While people with mental illness or suicidality are not violent, a perpetrator's risk profile increases if they have threatened or previously attempted suicide, Detective Sergeant Norman said.

"Agencies that are dealing with suicidal people may actually have more information about risk of family violence perpetration than police do," he said.

"There's a question around the merits of greater information sharing between police and mental health in that space."

The criminal justice system cannot be the only solution to family violence, the senior cop said.

"Only a small percentage of crimes get reported and only a small percentage of those end up with a sentencing outcome that's meaningful," he said.

However, "sometimes the criminal justice process is a deterrent that can impact the broader community", Detective Sergeant Norman said.

"We need to support victims, but if we don't address the offender, he remains a risk in the community and may perpetrate against another person," he said.

While they may be limited in the role they can play, police have a strong message for perpetrators of domestic violence.

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"We see perpetrators, we will hold them to account and they will be brought before justice. They will be exposed for their behaviours," Detective Sergeant Norman said.

"Perpetrators are going to get a police response and they will be held to account."